Coming Home for the Holidays: From Consumption to Connection

When I was growing up, the holidays were easily my favorite time of year.

The lights. The music. The smell of something baking in the oven. There was a rhythm to it all that felt both magical and grounding – a sense of wonder paired with a sense of belonging.

It wasn’t about perfection or performance or even the presents; it was about presence.

Our family gift exchange reflected that too. Each year, we’d draw a sibling’s name and buy (or make) one thoughtful gift. The goal wasn’t to impress, but to pay attention – to think about what that sibling really loved, what made them laugh, or what would light them up.

Some years, the gifts were simple – a family-size bag of their favorite candy, a basketball hoop for the back of their bedroom door, a t-shirt with their favorite team's logo, or even a good book (if and only if it was for me or my sister). But the magic was never in the gift itself. It was in the effort. The thoughtfulness. The opportunity to focus all my attention on how I could bring someone I loved a moment of meaningful joy – for no more than $20.

The older I get, the more I realize how rare that kind of simplicity has become.

How the Holidays Became a Full-Time Job

Somewhere along the way, the holidays went from connection to consumption.

What used to be a season of gathering has turned into a marathon of overcommitting – of “just one more” purchase, project, or party.

If you’ve ever found yourself rushing through the season – buying gifts you can’t afford, baking until midnight, or scrolling through social media feeling “behind” – you’re not alone.

Research shows that holiday stress is at an all-time high. According to the American Psychological Association, 89% of adults say financial and time pressures make the holidays more stressful than joyful. Another study found that people spend an average of 37% more than planned in December – and feel worse about it afterward.

And here’s the kicker: consumption doesn’t actually increase happiness. Studies from Cornell and Harvard have found that while material purchases give a short-term dopamine boost, experiences – especially shared experiences – have far greater and longer-lasting effects on our health and well-being.

As it turns out, the more we chase “more,” the less we actually feel it.

The Connection We Crave

At our core, humans are wired for belonging. It’s not sentimentality – it’s biology.

Meaningful connection triggers oxytocin (the bonding hormone), lowers cortisol (the stress hormone), and literally strengthens our immune system.

Even brief, genuine interactions – what researcher Barbara Fredrickson calls “micro-moments of connection” – can lift mood, increase resilience, and remind us we’re part of something bigger.

In other words, connection isn’t just the antidote to loneliness. It’s a physiological reset button.

So maybe “coming home for the holidays” isn’t just about returning to a place. Maybe it’s about returning to a way of being – one grounded in presence, attention, and genuine care for ourselves and the people we love.

5 Ways to Come Home to Connection This Holiday Season

Below are five simple, research-backed practices to help you slow down, reconnect, and rediscover joy – no extra spending or stress required.

1. Reflect on What You Actually Love About the Holidays

• What it is: Take five minutes to reflect or journal on your favorite memories of the season. What made those moments meaningful to you? Was it the laughter, the music, the shared meal, the quiet morning coffee before everyone woke up? There is no wrong answer, as long as it's authentically yours.

• Why it matters: Reflection reconnects you to your values. Research in positive psychology shows that when we reflect upon and intentionally act in alignment with our values, we experience higher life satisfaction and lower stress. Knowing what matters most helps you to better release what doesn’t.

2. Practice “Highlight of the Day” Reflections

• What it is: At the end of each day, identify one genuine highlight – a warm conversation, a good laugh, the smell of cinnamon rolls in the oven. Write it down or – if you feel inspired to do so – share it aloud with someone close to you.

• Why it matters: This practice builds resilience and optimism simultaneously. By training your brain to notice positive moments, you actually strengthen the neural pathways that make future joy easier to access. Every day may not be a good day, but research shows that noticing the good in every day makes a significant impact on how we feel, perceive, and relate to the rest of it.

3. Create a “Recognition Ripple”

• What it is: Pick one person in your circle – a family member, friend, coworker, or even someone you follow online – and tell them why you appreciate them and/or the impact they have on your life. Send a note, leave a voicemail, or just say it in person.

• Why it matters: Gratitude expressed is more powerful than gratitude felt. Research from Harvard has shown that people who express appreciation experience a stronger sense of connection and purpose – while those receiving it feel more motivated and valued. Win-win.

4. Volunteer (or Simply Be of Service)

• What it is: Give your time or attention in a way that feels authentic. That might mean serving at a local organization, donating gently used clothing, or simply helping a neighbor carry in their groceries.

• Why it matters: Acts of service release endorphins and foster perspective. In one 2022 study, participants who volunteered regularly in these ways reported lower levels of stress and depression, and higher feelings of purpose and meaning. Generosity reminds us we already have the strength and power to make a meaningful difference in this world.

5. Build Connection Rituals

• What it is: Instead of spreading yourself thin across countless gatherings, choose a few meaningful moments of connection that bring ... well, real connection. Things like a yearly coffee date with an old friend, a family walk after dinner, or a “phones-down” meal where everyone shares one thing that they’re most grateful for.

• Why it matters: Rituals like these create stability and belonging. They signal to your nervous system: “This is a safe space. This is ours and I belong here.” Consistent, intentional connection is one of the strongest predictors of long-term well-being.

Presence Over Performance

Every December, it’s easy to get caught up in “doing” the holidays – the perfect table, the perfect gifts, the perfect photo. But no one remembers the year your wrapping paper matched your decor. They remember the way you made them feel.

You don’t have to make this season bigger or brighter (and your electric bill will thank you). You just have to make it real.

So this year, I hope you give yourself permission to come home – not just to a place, but to presence and connection.

Put the phone down. Savor the moment. Let yourself breathe.

Final Reflection

Coming home for the holidays doesn’t mean recreating the past or curating the perfect present. It means returning to what has always mattered most: people, presence, and peace.

The joy of the season isn’t found in what we buy, but in how we choose to show up.

So ask yourself: What might happen this year, if you traded consumption for connection?

Because you might just find yourself experiencing a spark of magic you'd long thought lost. And I hope that you do.