Embracing Gratitude: A Journey Beyond the Hashtags

The True Essence of Thanksgiving

Every November, gratitude takes center stage. Thanksgiving is, after all, the holiday built around giving thanks. Our social media feeds are filled with fancy table settings and family outings – "#grateful" racking up millions of posts a day. Even commercials try to convince us their latest product or Black Friday sale is what we should be most thankful for. Almost overnight, gratitude becomes a cultural trend – like pumpkin spice lattes for the soul.

But here’s the quiet truth: not many of us are feeling grateful right now. Gratitude cannot be posted or performed. It’s not something you can be told to feel, no matter how many hashtags or highlight reels you scroll through. Real gratitude is a practice that, over time, reshapes how we see, feel, and move through our lives. And yet, in a season defined by pressure, pace, and rising costs, it makes sense that gratitude often feels just out of reach. Sometimes, it’s hard to see the good when everything feels so heavy.

When Gratitude Felt Impossible

Two years ago, gratitude and I were not on good terms. Each morning for a month, I woke up early, made my first coffee, and sat down to write out three things I was grateful for. I had read the studies. I knew the research. I’d even bought the journal my colleague Amy recommended – Amy, who was the literal embodiment of sunshine in human form. We’d often share our lists with each other as a way to stay consistent and bring a sense of positivity to our days.

And yet, every morning, I stared at that blank page and felt… nothing. I didn’t feel grateful. At all. I felt exhausted. Frustrated. Hopeless. So I did what many people do when they’re forcing a feeling: I faked it. My list became a daily rotation of my mom, Amy, my dogs, and coffee. Sometimes, if he was being especially nice – my husband. All good things. All true. But none of them were helping me feel any more grateful than the day before.

But then I enrolled in my first positive psychology class and learned an important lesson: gratitude practices aren't a one-size-fits-all. You have to start where you are. So that next week, I changed my approach. Instead of waking up and simply listing three things I was “grateful” for, I ended my days writing out three highlights from the day and why I appreciated them. Small, specific, and unexpectedly effective.

From Obligation to Observation

That simple adjustment changed everything. Now, instead of “I’m grateful for my coffee,” I wrote about how satisfying that first sip felt on my cold, dark morning drive into the office – the warmth, the aroma, the memories of my parents brewing coffee every morning of my childhood. Instead of writing “pretty sunsets,” I described the exact sunset I saw driving home – the streaks of orange and violet melting into each other like a living Bob Ross painting, the way it filled me with awe, wonder, and – funny enough – a real sense of gratitude.

Within a week, I began to notice something shift. I was waking up more rested. I felt lighter. More energized. Far less anxious, overwhelmed, and hopeless. And by week two, something deeper had shifted: I started noticing things worth appreciating as they were happening. My coffee literally began tasting better each morning. I started anticipating and actively looking for sunrises and sunsets. Nobody could tell me the cardinals I saw nearly every single day were not worth gushing over. I found myself noticing and appreciating the smallest moments throughout my day – the friendly barista, the butterfly outside my window, the way my pups would run over to greet me as I emerged from the bedroom each morning. Gratitude, it turned out, wasn’t about listing blessings. It was about learning to actually notice them.

The Science of Gratitude

Gratitude isn’t just a feel-good habit – it’s a biological intervention. Research in positive psychology, particularly from Dr. Robert Emmons and Dr. Martin Seligman, has shown that regular gratitude practices can:

• Boost happiness by up to 25%

• Reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety

• Improve sleep and energy levels

• Strengthen relationships

• Lower stress hormones like cortisol

  
  

Why? Because gratitude literally rewires the brain. When you focus on appreciation – even for small moments – your brain releases dopamine and serotonin, the same neurotransmitters linked to joy and calm. Over time, these pathways in your brain strengthen, making it easier to find and feel gratitude more often. In other words: what you pay attention to expands.

Start Where You Are

As my story shows, the key to gratitude is not force. It’s flow. You don’t need to feel blissful or enlightened to begin, and you certainly don't have to pretend to be a morning person if you're just not one. Instead, start with what works best for you. Not me, not your mom, not your favorite social media influencer. You.

After a week of just noticing when he felt most energized, one of my clients began his practice at 4:30 PM – leveraging the surge of energy he felt as he was wrapping up his day in the office. Three moments he appreciated from the day and one thing he was looking forward to that evening. He made it his own. And as a result, he experienced a profound shift in both his relationship to his work and in how much more intentional he was with his evenings. When do you feel most energized, quiet, or at peace? It doesn't have to be long – it just has to be yours.

5 Gratitude Practices to Try for Yourself

If gratitude doesn't feel the most accessible for you right now – or gratitude lists never left you feeling much more grateful than when you started – that's okay. Below are five different ways you can begin to cultivate gratitude. Pick or choose whichever feels most accessible or intriguing for you personally. And if it's not really your vibe? No worries – you can just pick another one!

1. End Your Day with One Highlight

Instead of a list of “shoulds,” reflect on one meaningful moment from your day. It could be a simple pleasure, a small victory, or even a moment of peace where you felt like you could actually catch your breath.

2. Describe > Declare

Don’t just say “I’m grateful for my friend.” Describe why. What have they done or said that mattered? What do they add to your life that you appreciate? How do they make you feel?

3. Notice with Your Senses

Gratitude can be a full-body experience. So, actually smell and savor the coffee. Feel the way the sunlight hits your face or the breeze flows across your skin. Listen and really hear the birds chirping. When you engage your senses, you ground your gratitude in the present and bring the experience to life in ways that will last long beyond the moment.

4. Share It

Reach out to someone in your life or network and thank them for the role they play or something specific they have done, said, or given to you that made a difference. Telling someone how much you appreciate them magnifies the effect for both of you. Research shows that expressed gratitude increases relationship satisfaction and connection, allowing you both to feel more grateful in the process.

5. Keep it Small

Gratitude doesn’t have to feel profound or life-changing every time. Some days, it’s just: “I got through today.” And that’s enough. Do not judge how small your moments of gratitude are. It is often through the appreciation of the small things that we feel the most satisfaction and fulfillment. Kurt Vonnegut might have put it best: "Enjoy the little things in life, because one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things."

Final Reflection

This time of year, it’s easy to feel a quiet shame for not feeling as grateful as you “should.” For not being able to turn it on like everyone else seems to. But gratitude doesn’t come from hashtags or holiday campaigns. It comes from noticing – often the small, ordinary moments we might have rushed past before. The taste of coffee on a cold morning. The softness in a friend’s voice. The light that hits the sky just right.

Because when we start to notice the ordinary miracles in our everyday lives, we begin to realize – we were never really as far from gratitude as we thought.