Embracing the Lunacy - How Talking to Yourself Can Change Your Life

"I am an absolute lunatic!"

In December of 2023, my friend Wesley invited a dozen of his closest friends to celebrate his 40th birthday. Over the course of a few laughter-packed days, a group of wildly different –  and wildly wonderful – human beings gathered in honor of one of the kindest and most thoughtful people we know.

One night, someone brought up the topic of what it takes to be successful, a subject I was excited to explore among a group with such diverse passions and backgrounds.

Around the table sat a heart surgeon, a coach, teachers, consultants, an art historian, someone in real estate sales, and actuaries. Each of us on our own path, trying to make sense of success and what it means for our own, unique lives.

The highlight of the conversation for me was when Chris – Wesley’s partner, one of my oldest friends, and one of the most ambitious and resilient people I know – stood up in the center of the group and exclaimed, “Just look at me: I am an absolute lunatic! And that’s exactly why I’m successful.”

We all laughed, but he wasn’t entirely joking.

He continued, “The only thing standing between you and who you want to be is believing you’re not already that person. You just have to embrace the delusion.”

The laughter shifted slightly from the collective agreement of Chris' lunacy to the recognition of the truth in what he was saying.

That kind of simple truth that's been there all along, but seems to jump out and surprise you anyway.

Most of us aren’t held back by reality. We’re held back by the stories we tell ourselves.

We tell ourselves that we aren't quite ready, smart enough, good enough. Or maybe that we never will be.

But when we dare to counter those thoughts – when we embrace our own beautiful brand of lunacy with a dash of grace?

Oh, the possibilities that unfold.

Embracing My Lunacy

The year before that trip, I was talking with my therapist about my inner critic. A voice that had developed real skills over the years. It was quite talented, really, and highly efficient.

It could tear me down in seconds. Sometimes sounding like the voice of other people, but far too often sounding a little too much like me.

And the voice was gaining momentum, affecting how I showed up, how I worked, and how I lived. It was relentless. The more I noticed it, the more frustrated with myself I became...which, of course, fueled that voice as further proof of my inadequacy.

My therapist then asked me a simple question that would help to change everything:

"What if you started speaking those thoughts out loud? Just to hear them. Like you're having a conversation with a friend, noticing how a friend might respond to those thoughts."

And so I did.

That following Saturday morning, my husband left for work, and I began to clean my house while narrating my thoughts aloud.

I'll admit that it started with a lot of laughter. I sounded absolutely bananas – like a proper lunatic. I can only imagine how confused my dogs were, as they watched their dad prance around the house having full conversations...with himself.

But about 30-minutes in, I hit a snag. Literally.

The vacuum snagged on the corner of the bedroom carpet, knocking into the TV stand. A small plant placed far too close to the edge fell to the ground, and spilled a small bit of soil onto the carpet.

Harm done? None.

Narrative? "Oh, you dummy! Really John? How much effort does it really take to vacuum the house without knocking everything over?!"

Oof – my thoughts had a voice. With volume. And let me tell you, hearing it out loud hit different.

It took no time at all for me to connect the dots. How would a friend respond if I spoke to them like that? They wouldn't. Because there's little chance I would have friends if I spoke to anyone like that.

So I offered a softer rebuttal: "John, you're not a dummy. It was just an accident and you literally have the machine in your hand to clean it up."

I then told the plant that it would be ok as I put it back in place, and immediately began to laugh at how truly insane this experience was – both talking to myself and now, talking to my plants.

I would love to say that it stopped there, but...no.

Over the next hour, I was surprised at how many harsh thoughts rose to the surface, filling my home with an audible cruelty.

And yet, something important was happening. I was experiencing this voice in a whole new way, and – more importantly – I was beginning to offer it a different perspective.

For the following few weeks, I committed to this strange new ritual: one hour each weekend where I cleaned the house and gave my thoughts a voice.

The result? A growing and empowering awareness.

A softer inner voice emerged – one that was far more kind, encouraging, and curious. Far from perfect, but a big step toward the person I wanted to be.

As it turns out, embracing a little crazy was one of the best things I'd ever done.

Why This Actually Works

Although I'm sure some of you are convinced Chris and I are proper lunatics – and you may not be wrong – there's science to help explain why this works.

When we speak our thoughts aloud, we activate parts of the brain responsible for emotional regulation and self-awareness: the prefrontal cortex. By engaging with our thoughts and turning vague, internal ramblings into actual language, we shift our brain's response from reactive autopilot to intentional awareness.

Dr. Ethan Kross, an award-winning psychologist, explores this brilliantly in his book Chatter. He explains that our inner voice is a powerful tool, but one that can easily get caught up in a loop of critical self-sabotage when left unchecked. However, when we engage with our thoughts, label them, and rewrite them? We begin to reclaim our own agency.

Research in positive psychology further highlights this. In a study by Dr. Kristin Neff – researcher, author, and associate professor at UT Austin – it was found that people who practice self-awareness and self-compassion are far more emotionally resilient, less prone to obsessive rumination, and more motivated to grow.

In short: when you treat yourself like a human instead of a punching bag, your brain begins to act accordingly.

Self-awareness helps us to recognize the stories we've been telling ourselves. Kindness and compassion help us to write better ones.

Talking to yourself may still be a sign that you're losing it.

But when done with purpose, it may also be a path to finding yourself.

Final Thoughts

I still talk to myself often – almost every time I vacuum the house, to be honest. And I'm happy to share Chris is still embracing his own lunacy in powerful ways (if you'd like to learn more about him, you can check out his coaching site here).

Giving your thoughts a voice can help you finally hear them – and from there, you can begin to shape them.

So I want to encourage you to find opportunities to bring your thoughts to life in ways that resonate with you.

Maybe you don't have a lot of free time to speak your thoughts out loud – and I certainly do not encourage you to begin sharing every thought you have in group settings. That is one quick recipe for disaster.

But perhaps you could find another path: five minutes alone in the bathroom, writing them out in a personal notebook, or maybe even sitting alone in your car before work.

Give yourself permission to notice what your thoughts are saying and consider for yourself: would you speak like that to someone you love? Would you let someone else speak to you like that?

It will likely feel silly at first, and you may indeed feel like a lunatic.

That's ok.

Because you're more than your inner critic. Your self-saboteur does not define you.

Through awareness and compassion, you too can begin to rewrite your story toward your own beautiful definition of success.

You've got this.

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Often times, the most important voice we need to hear is our own. Let's work together to help yours speak with greater compassion, strength, and clarity. Schedule your first coaching session today!