Too Cool for School: The Spread of Cynicism & How to Fight It

Recently, I have begun to notice a growing trend sweeping across our timelines and group chats. No, it’s not another randomly obscure TikTok dance or transformational life-hack. And – unfortunately for some of you – it's also has nothing to do with secret affairs exposed at the latest Coldplay concert.

It's a new kind of "cool" that reminds me a little too much of middle school. It takes a polished form that wears sarcasm like armor and treats eagerness, excitement, or passion like they are to be avoided at all costs.

But at the end of the day, it's nothing more than cynicism.

Deep, unapologetic cynicism.

Trying hard to learn something new? Lame. Excited to experience something for the first time? Embarrassing. Exposing the fact you're actually a normal, flawed human? Absolutely mortifying.

But beneath the smirk, judgment, and dismissal is something deeper: fear, vulnerability, and a desperate desire to belong.

The Science of Cynicism

This isn't the type of cynicism that comes from hard life experience. No – this is stylized. It’s a means of ironic detachment dressed in designer clothes. It’s the idea of "safety" that we'll never be seen trying.

We've all seen it:

• The sarcastic and dismissive comments section

• The collective eye-rolls when someone goes on a passionate rant

• The judgmental smirks aimed at people who are just trying to enjoy themselves

And hey, maybe you've felt it too. That pull to dial it down. To act like you didn’t really try or that you don't really care how it turns out. To pretend like you don't really want to dance, even when you really want to dance.

It feels safer. Easier. More likely that people will accept this form of you.

But the reality is that it's just a shield.

A subtle, modern form of personal armor that says: “Don’t look too closely. I’m just like everyone else and have no weird, personal flaws or interests.”

We convince ourselves that if we keep hiding behind this armor, no one will be able to judge us or to see us fail.

Why Cynicism Feels So Safe

Before we judge it – or ourselves – too harshly, let’s understand why this is becoming the norm.

1. We’re Wired to Belong Humans are social beings, and we often mirror what we see. And right now, what we see – nearly everywhere – is irony, sarcasm, and mockery of sincerity. This repetition has a psychological effect. According to classic studies like Solomon Asch’s conformity experiments, we’ll often align with group behaviors even when they clash with our own instincts or insights. All to avoid sticking out. So we scroll, we absorb, we adapt. And without even noticing, we start editing out our enthusiasm. Our effort. Our earnestness.

2. Fear Is Behind the Curtain Let’s name the other force at work: fear. Because trying is vulnerable. And vulnerability? It opens the door to failure, criticism, or worse – public embarrassment. In a world where the camera’s always rolling, we’ve learned that the safest thing to be is untouchable. Sarcastic. Slightly (or entirely) disinterested. Always holding back. But let’s be honest with ourselves: mocking other people is easier than participating or creating or engaging. Critiquing from the sidelines? Safe. Stepping into the arena? Courageous.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.... The credit belongs to the one who is actually in the arena...who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” ~Theodore Roosevelt

The Hidden Cost of Cynicism

So yes, cynicism feels like a shield – but it much more closely resembles a cage.

It keeps us from starting, from connecting, and from becoming. It says: Don’t try too hard, when trying is exactly what leads to transformation.

Angela Duckworth’s research on grit shows that passion and perseverance – not natural-born talent – are what lead us to greatest success. But you can’t persevere if you never begin; never embrace the fact that you first must be bad to be good, and never learn to fail forward.

You can never develop grit by simply observing from the sidelines.

And here's the twist: the very things that make you feel uncomfortable – caring deeply, trying openly, risking visibility – are the things that build confidence, resilience, and joy.

Without them, you will remain a shell of who you were meant to be.

How to Move From Cynicism to Courage

This isn’t meant to be a guilt trip, despite my passionate take on the matter ;) It’s more of a gentle wake-up call. A simple reminder that you have the power to opt out, to unsubscribe, and to choose courage over cynicism.

So here are a few ways to do just that:

1. Practice Caring Share the thing that excites you, celebrate the win you're proud of. Admit that you cried at the movie or worked hard on that idea. Connection and enthusiasm are both strengths – not experiences to fear or avoid. Caring out loud? A great way to build confidence and exemplify a form of radical self-care in a world of jaded, judgmental side-liners.

2. Talk Back to the Inner Critic One of the most impactful strategies I use with my clients: embrace your lunacy and start talking to yourself. Spoken language hits different than mere thoughts do. So, when that inner voice says, “You’ll look ridiculous”? It's just repeating what it's been taught. Respond with: “I hear you, and maybe that's true. But I'd rather look ridiculous and learn to be better than disappoint myself by never trying.” You might feel like a lunatic, but it works. Courage often starts by simply rewriting our learned script.

3. Feed Your Mind a New Story Energy is contagious, and it can be incredibly helpful to surround yourself with people who are building, dreaming, and showing up. Try to find yourself the builders, the believers, the ones who applaud your success and encourage you through failure. And if you can't find them immediately, that's ok. You can begin by learning from those you admire the most. Read their books and blogs, watch their videos and interview. We can experience a deep sense of connection and inspiration when we learn how often our heroes have failed, overcome obstacles, and continued to choose courage.

4. Start Something – Badly What is something that you've always been interested to try, but too scared to pursue? Try it knowing, embracing, accepting, and allowing yourself to be bad at it. Pick up the guitar, write the book outline, sign up for the dance class, start learning a new language. Rather than expecting perfection, maybe even try to laugh at yourself. If that feels too far, maybe just remind yourself that you literally are who you are because you failed miserably at being a functioning human for years before getting it right. Have you ever seen a baby?! It’s not about mastery – it's about learning.

5. Ask yourself: What Am I Protecting? When we actively make space to engage with our fears, we often gain perspective and the courage to move through them. Whenever you feel yourself retreating behind cynicism, take a moment to ask yourself or journal through: what am I afraid might happen by allowing myself to enjoy or experience this? What could I experience if I chose to be courageous instead of cynical?

Self-awareness opens the door for greater intentionality. And with intentionality, the opportunities become limitless.

Final Thoughts: Step Into the Arena

You weren’t meant to live this life as a spectator. To hide behind your armor, or to sit on the sidelines and judge.

You were always meant to actively and courageously participate. To experience, enjoy, create, and connect.

Yes, cynicism is incredibly common, contagious and – at times – even understandable.

But we always have the option to choose courage.

And the fact is that the world doesn’t need more critics. It needs more people courageous enough to be themselves.

We don’t have to be fearless. We just have to begin.

You’ve got this.