You're More than Your Job – A Critical Lesson in Identity

In 2017, I made what many would call a bold move.

I left New York City – the city I’d built so much of my life, my friendships, and, if I’m honest, a good part of my identity around – and relocated to Texas.

To some, that might sound like a logistical shift. For me, it felt like an existential one.

Being a “New Yorker” wasn’t just a label; it was part of my DNA. Something awakened in me during my very first visit at the age of 13 – that electric sense of possibility, the rush of energy that only New York seems to have. Over time, it became who I was.

So, when I packed my life into boxes and prepared to board that one-way flight, it felt like my life was over as I knew it. Because, technically, it was.

What I didn’t understand then – but came to realize later – is that my identity wasn’t actually in crisis.

I was just telling the wrong story.

The Story We Tell Ourselves

I had created this internal narrative that the city made me who I was – that meaning, purpose, satisfaction, and joy lived outside of me, provided by the city that never sleeps and all that it offered.

But when I left, I realized that what I’d lost wasn’t myself. It was my story about where my worth came from.

And I don’t think I’m alone in that.

Right now, with mass layoffs, economic uncertainty, and a rapidly changing job market, many people are facing that same unsettling question:

Who am I without my job?

For decades, our culture has tied identity to productivity – to our titles, our roles, our LinkedIn bios. We introduce ourselves by what we do, not who we are. And when those external anchors shift – through layoffs, career changes, or even burnout – it can leave us feeling unmoored.

Research has even shown that the unexpected and prolonged loss of one's job has a more lasting impact on our mental and emotional health than the death of a close family member. A deeply sad and concerning byproduct of capitalism.

But here’s the truth: your job is something you do, not who you are.

The moment we learn to separate our identity from our occupation, we start to build lives that are far more grounded, fulfilling, and resilient.

Important note: people love to stop me here and say something like, "Yeah yeah – this sounds nice, but I need to pay my bills." Absolutely. However, nobody is saying otherwise. The truth is that you can have both alignment and pay your bills simultaneously. And if you learn how to live a life better aligned with who you are – how you feel while you're working to pay your bills will undoubtedly shift, too.

The Science of a Full Life

Positive psychology research, including work by Dr. Martin Seligman and others, has shown that well-being is built on five key pillars – Positive Emotion, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment (PERMA).

Work often provides one or two of these pillars – engagement and accomplishment, for instance – but when our entire sense of self-worth rests there, the other pillars can erode.

When we invest only in performance, we risk neglecting the parts of life that sustain us: connection, creativity, purpose, and belonging.

And those are the very things that make us resilient when life inevitably changes.

4 Ways to Reclaim Your Identity Beyond Work

So, how do we begin reclaiming that sense of identity, especially in a world that constantly equates our value with our output? Below are four ways you can begin to reclaim your true identity.

1. Identify Your Core Values

Your core values represent what matters most to you – the principles or qualities that fuel, motivate, and give your life deeper meaning. Put simply – you cannot know who you are if you don't know what truly matters most to you.

Core values are not about who you think you should be, but who you truly are when you feel most alive, at peace, and aligned with yourself. Research shows that when we align our actions with our values, we’re twice as likely to achieve our goals and 9x's more likely to experience high life satisfaction.

So, start by naming your top 3-5 core values and reflecting on how it feels when you are both aligned with and misaligned with them. Through awareness comes opportunity for intention. And through practiced intention – the potential is limitless.

If you're looking for some additional guidance with this, you can check out this free Values and Strengths form I created for my clients.

2. Ask Better Questions

We often default to job-centric small talk: “What do you do?” or "Where do you work?" Funny enough, countless surveys show that people actually dislike these questions and often desperately want to not talk about work. So, try swapping them out for questions like:

• “What’s something that’s been bringing you joy lately?”

• "Have you taken any good trips this year?"

• "Can you recommend any fun hobbies I should explore?"

• “What are you most looking forward to this weekend?”

It may seem small, but these shifts create more authentic connection – and remind us that everyone (including us) is more than just their job titles.

3. Practice Makes Permanent

Words matter and what we repeat, we begin to believe.

So, start describing yourself not just through your job, but through your life. Talk about the books you’re been reading or that you loved reading previously, the new TikTok recipe you tried, the places you've visited, the podcast or video that made you start to think differently.

The more you practice this, the more natural it becomes – the more your brain begins to better acknowledge and retain this information – and the more your identity expands beyond the narrow lens of productivity.

4. Be Proactive About What Fills You Up

It’s hard to separate yourself from work when all you make time for is work. And I get it – when we are experiencing burnout or our jobs are particularly demanding, it can feel tempting to think "I have no more energy for anything else."

But the truth is that making time for things that light you up actually helps to energize and restore you. No, you don’t need a long vacation or a radical life change to feel the benefits either. Just start small:

• Block 30 minutes to read something that inspires you.

• Turn your phone off and enjoy dinner with a close friend.

• Take your dog to the park and actually be there.

• Schedule yourself a massage, a yoga class, or even just a quiet hour to yourself.

These small, intentional acts send your brain a powerful message: My life is mine to live and to choose.

And over time, those moments accumulate – creating the foundation for a richer, more resilient sense of self.

Coming Home to Yourself

Looking back, that move from New York to Texas became one of the most defining moments of my life – not because of what I left behind, but because of what I found.

It started me on a multi-year journey of learning to live a life defined not by external expectations, but by internal alignment.

The identity crisis I feared turned out to be more of an awakening.

Now, years later – living in a suburban town in Central Texas, running my own coaching business – I’m as far from my old life as I could have imagined.

And yet, I’ve never felt more fulfilled. More grounded. More myself.

Because who I am isn’t something I left behind. It’s something I finally learned to come home to.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve been tying your identity to your title, your company, or your productivity – you’re not alone.

But maybe this is your moment to pause and ask a different question:

Who am I beyond my work? And what parts of me are ready to be rediscovered?

Because you are, and have always been, so much more than your job.

You've got this.