Personal Growth 101: Learning Isn't a Four-Letter Word

Let’s get something straight: learning is not a punishment.

It’s not the boring lecture hall you remember, or the pop quiz that haunts your dreams. And it’s certainly not the GPA-based identity crisis some of us (hi, it’s me) endured in college.

Learning is expansive. It’s empowering. It’s the one tool we all carry that can change our lives, our careers, and our relationships for the better.

It just takes a bit of notice – no testing required.

Let’s Start with a Story (and a Humbling Reality Check)

When I arrived at Cornell as a bright-eyed freshman, I brought with me a very firm identity: I was “the smart kid.” School had always come easily to me. It was my place to shine, especially as someone who never quite fit in with my sports-loving family.

Homework? A delight.

Exams? A challenge I looked forward to. I’d long equated academic success with my self-worth...and to be honest, a lot of my validation.

So when my freshman writing professor called me into office hours and told me my paper was so well written that he’d be grading me more harshly moving forward, I nearly cried.

Excuse me? How about no. His intent was to help me grow. My interpretation? A direct attack of my identity.

Later that year, I ran into my high school AP English teacher and admitted I was struggling with my new academic standing. Her response? “But John – try to think about how much you’ve learned along the journey.”

At the time, I didn’t get it. Now, I know exactly what she meant.

Reasons We Resist Learning

The reality is that many of us have some unresolved challenges from formal education.

Maybe you struggled in school, were labeled “not academically gifted,” or just hated being graded. Maybe your home life was so chaotic or unstable that you didn't have the luxury of restful sleep, a healthy diet, or an environment that lent itself to quiet, focused work.

Somewhere along the line, learning became synonymous with struggle, pressure, imperfection, or performance. And so, to this day, you continue to view reading, classes, or most forms of learning with an err of caution – if not downright loathing.

But learning is so much more than the formal educational experiences we had growing up.

Learning is growth. It’s the ability to try something new, fail awkwardly, adjust, and try again without anyone holding up a report card.

What's more: we are all in the process of learning all the time. Every single day presents opportunities for us to learn and to grow.

Did you know that the Amazon River, despite being over 4,000 miles long, has not one single bridge that crosses it?

And just like that – you've learned something new today (no worries, there's no pop quiz).

And yet, many of us still fear being seen as anything but an expert. That fear tells us that it's safer and better for us to remain in the comfort zone of “I already know how to do this” rather than risking the vulnerability of starting over or expanding.

Here's the catch: growth almost only occurs when we are willing to not be great at something...at least for a while.

The Science of Real Learning

If you've been following along, you should know by now ... we' need to talk about the research:

• Intrinsic motivation matters (Seligman, Deci & Ryan): We’re more likely to stick with goals and enjoy the process when the reason behind them is personal and meaningful, rather than performative (or borrowed from someone else’s highlight reel). Saying “I want to have the energy to be more social and active in my life” will keep you more committed to a healthier diet than “Everyone at my office eats salad for lunch, so I guess I should too.”

• Optimism + realism = better results (Oettingen’s WOOP/GOOP model): Visualizing success feels, but it’s not a strategy on its own. Real learning happens when we identify our goal, name the obstacles that might get in the way, and decide exactly how we’ll respond. So if you want to speak up more at work, imagine doing it, then plan for the likely event that you'll develop some anxiety. What helps you specifically? Writing out your talking points, practicing aloud, deep breathing exercises? The anxiety isn't a sign to run away, but an opportunity to plan accordingly.

• Neuroplasticity supports change: Every time you try something new, you’re strengthening the supporting neural pathways. That means that even small changes – like switching your morning routine or learning a new keyboard shortcut – make future changes easier to process and experience. The first time I took a break mid-day for a 15-minute walk, it felt disruptive and I felt a sense of panic. Now? It’s a non-negotiable. My brain knows the drill, and the quality of my work thanks me for it.

• Growth mindset fuels perseverance (Dweck): Believing that your abilities will improve through effort is the secret sauce for success. Think back to a time when you started to learn a new skill, like swimming, driving, or riding a bike. Nobody starts out doing them perfectly at first, and sometimes we can (literally) fall flat on our faces. So your struggle to learn a new system at work doesn’t mean you are bad at tech or never going to get it. It simply means you’re in the process of learning. And hey, isn’t that the whole point?

Learning to Reframe Learning

As many of us experienced during the pandemic, my company at the time reduced headcount and significantly expanded the responsibilities of those who remained.

As a result, I found myself running several facets of HR – from recruiting and onboarding to talent development and retirement benefits. As corporate leaders would say, it was quite the "stretch opportunity." For normal humans: I was doing multiple roles for the price of one.

I honestly kind of loved it to begin with, because it was challenging me to be more efficient, autonomous, and creative. Early wins helped me to feel all the more confident.

But after several months, I was struggling with boundaries and the effects of burnout.

Since most institutions were closed, my husband and I would go for a walk most evenings, and I got into the habit of talking about my day. To be more honest: I increasingly whined and complained about how exhausting, demanding, and unfair it was to have so much work.

One day, my husband had enough."John, is there anything new from today, or is it just a repeat of every other day that you keep complaining about?" Oof. Maybe not the kindest approach, but certainly effective in getting me to take pause and reflect.

I talked to my therapist the following week, who highlighted that what I was experiencing was merely biology. When we focus our time and our attention (and our words) around a single topic and mindset, our brain begins to interpret more of our experience through that lens.

So the more that we complain, the more our brain naturally begins to look for things to complain about.

It was time I took a different approach.

For the next few weeks, I decided to summarize my day in less than five minutes, ending each summary with at least one lesson I had learned.

Some days were clear: I had learned how to communicate more effectively or had a breakthrough with a new system I was using. Other days, my lessons were more life-related: I learned that sometimes our best efforts can still fall short of expectations, or that people can be rude or unkind for reasons that have nothing to do with us. Or even that using my lunch break to take a power nap and then eating while I worked allowed me to overcome my afternoon productivity crash! I really liked that lesson.

The fact was that my experience at the time was full of lessons and opportunities for learning and growth – I simply had to stop complaining about the negatives and begin to notice them.

Ways to Embrace Learning

As is often the case, overriding years of learned thinking is easier said than done. But that doesn't mean it's impossible – it just takes a bit of intentional practice.

To support you along the journey, here are some suggestions to consider:

1. Redefine what learning means to you. It’s not about perfection or grades. It’s about curiosity, growth, and expansion. What comes to mind when you think of something you learned recently that stands out, made you laugh, or was helpful? (TikTok life hacks are completely acceptable.)

2. Start with something low-stakes. To get in the habit of embracing opportunities to learn, consider something that seems really easy or inviting. Maybe there's a Youtube video about a topic that interests you or a recipe you've been dying to try. Start small and simply pay attention to what you're learning.

3. Reflect often. Ask yourself: “What did I learn today?” or "What am I learning from this?" Even on tough days, there’s always something: a lesson, a shift, a realization, an opportunity.

4. Normalize the stumble. You will not be amazing at everything immediately. Remember that stumbles doesn't mean you’re failing – they mean you’re growing. Reflect on some skills you learned throughout your life that required a few stumbles along the way. Sometimes, allowing ourselves to remember the tough times – and how we overcame them – can helps us add a bit of perspective, grace, and patience to the present.

5. Celebrate the stretch. Whether it’s learning to lead a meeting, land a new pose in yoga, or master a skill that will serve you for a lifetime, acknowledge the win. Reflecting on and celebrating these achievements help to rewrite our relationship with growth, learning, and progress. It's like a real-life cheat-code for personal growth.

Final Thoughts

I hope that you feel encouraged today that learning isn't a four-letter word or something to fear.

It’s a lifelong invitation to engage with the world more fully, more bravely, and more intentionally.

And you don’t need a classroom, a certificate, or a five-step syllabus to do it. You just need curiosity, courage, and the willingness to try again.

So here's to learning more openly together – no final exams required.

You've got this!

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If you're curious about how a professional coach can help you to reframe your relationship with learning, I would love to connect and explore supporting you along the journey.

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