Put Down the Mask: The Power of Vulnerable Leadership

This past year, I was working with a manager who had a communication challenge no one wanted. She'd been tasked with announcing a reorganization that impacted an entire team – one she cared about deeply.

She knew the message would land like a gut punch, and worse: the decision was final. There was no further discussion about it; no path to change the outcome. Just a cold set of talking points from legal and a meeting on the calendar for next Friday.

She was frustrated. Torn. Overwhelmed. Not because she didn’t understand the assignment – but because she did.

She was supposed to be professional. Composed. Confident. Her job was to deliver a difficult message and get through it without letting it get to her.

The only problem? It had gotten to her. Because she was human, and she cared.

The Masks We Learn to Wear

Most of us learn to wear masks long before we realize it. And in leadership, those masks often look like confidence, control, or composure. Brené Brown would likely refer to them as our "shame armor" – the collection of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that we use to protect ourselves from feelings of vulnerability, unworthiness, or fear of being seen as anything other than "perfect."

But here’s the truth: those performances don’t connect us to people or garner respect – they separate us from them and create distrust.

And in a culture that still clings to outdated ideals of flawless leadership, it makes sense why we reach for them. We’re taught that good leaders should have all the answers. That emotion is weakness. That doubt means we likely don't belong. Because, when everyone is pretending to have it all together all the time; we all come to believe we're the unique ones struggling under the weight.

The result? Too many of us mimic what we see exemplified around us, performing what we believe is "good leadership" rather than actually living it.

We become masters of the leadership tightrope: appearing strong while struggling to carry chronic stress, projecting confidence while feeling uncertain about the best path forward, and delivering cold, tone-deaf messages with a smile that doesn’t quite reach our eyes.

And all that masking takes a toll.

The Real Cost of Pretending

When we prioritize performance over authenticity, we pay for it in countless ways that are – unfortunately – becoming far too common throughout our society.

Research shows that suppressing emotions and authenticity increases cortisol levels, decreases cognitive flexibility, and limits our ability to connect with those around us.

As a result, our perceived stress surges and we begin to experience chronic stress – the effects of which are nothing short of intense on our mind, bodies, and emotions. Studies are now showing that chronic stress doesn't only overwhelm or dysregulate the nervous system, it damages neural pathways in our brains and increases our risk for countless diseases of both the mind and body.

And it hurts you as a leader, too.

Teams that are managed by performative leaders feel the disconnect. Engagement drops. Innovation stalls. People feel like pawns rather than partners.

The leaders are left burnt out, overwhelmed and suffocating under the weight of this performance everyone else seems to be mastering.

Except that they're not. Because behind their mask, there’s still no oxygen.

Leading Like a Human

The good news? There's a better path forward. Because the most impactful leaders today aren’t flawless. They’re honest and intentional – grounded in vulnerability.

Embracing vulnerability and honesty has a transformative impact on mental and physical well-being. By naming and processing emotions, we reduce anxiety levels and depression while improving emotional regulation. This practice also builds resilience, improves mental fortitude, and enhances self-awareness.

Authenticity, cultivated through vulnerability, allows for better alignment between our actions and our values, which leads to improved physical health and higher levels of life satisfaction overall, not to mention higher success rates at achieving the goals we set for ourselves.

And human-centered leadership – rooted in empathy, self-awareness, and values – has been shown to improve employee retention, boost performance, and foster trust. As Brené Brown puts it, "Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change."

It might feel risky to set the mask down. But the reward? Connection.

Just like the manager I mentioned at the beginning of this piece.

When we met to prepare her remarks, I suggested she try something different: instead of suppressing her emotions, what if she honored them? Instead of delivering sterile talking points, what if she spoke with heart?

She was hesitant at first. But she decided to try.

She began the meeting by sharing her own experience of being laid off early in her career. She told the team what it felt like – the shock, the fear, the insecurity.

And then, she shared what happened next: how that painful experience created space for her to pursue an opportunity she’d never considered before that moment. One that changed the entire course of her career for the better.

Her voice cracked at moments. Her eyes welled up. And she didn’t hide it.

She closed by giving her team the rest of the day off to process and take care of themselves. When they returned the next Monday, they weren’t raising questions through anger and fear.

Instead, they were open, thoughtful, and ready to collaboratively navigate what came next – trusting their manager to support them along the way.

The result? All but one member of the team accepted new roles within the company. And the manager earned more trust and respect from her team than ever before, along with strong feedback from senior leaders impressed with how she navigated such a challenging situation.

Not because she had all the answers, but because she showed up honestly and with open vulnerability.

Final Thoughts: The Courage to Take Off the Mask

What mask do you find yourself reaching for most often? And what might happen if you set it down?

Maybe you don’t need to be flawless. Maybe you don't have to have all the answers, and you can invite others to collaborate with you on a better path forward.

Maybe you don’t need to perform leadership like a script while denying the truth of how you're feeling.

Maybe the best thing you can do today is to pause, take a breath, and lead from your actual humanity – not in spite of it, but aligned with it.

Because the leaders we need most right now aren’t the ones who look perfect. They’re the ones who know perfection isn't real, and choose open, vulnerable progress in its place.